Day 30: Relaxing into Discomfort
The Practice:
This is a variation of the welcoming breath practice. Throughout the day look for opportunities that you experience discomfort. This can be waiting in a line, at a red light, an annoying driver cutting you off, running late, or someone else running late. (There is usually no shortage of opportunities.) When you notice feeling tense, anxious, annoyed or any other unpleasant feelings, open the palms of your hands to remind yourself that you are open to this moment, not struggling against it. Notice where you feel discomfort in your body and breathe into this area. Remember that you are not trying to get rid of the feelings. You are teaching yourself how to relax into them.
Purpose:
- Instead of resisting or trying to get rid of negative emotion, you are learning to relax into it.
- This practice trains the monkey mind to be less reactive.
- Accepting situations that cause stress is a key to becoming more easygoing.
- When we try to fix or escape an uncomfortable situation and feeling, we are telling ourselves we cannot handle it. By relaxing into it, we are telling ourselves the opposite. This creates more ease and resilience.
| Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
|
I cannot handle feeling bad. |
I can handle this feeling by relaxing into it. |
| If I am feeling bad I need to do something to change this. | It is more important to learn to live in the moment, however it is. This will help me cultivate more peace and presence. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
3 points each [ ] Every time you breath into a negative feeling throughout the day.
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
1 point each [ ] Read pages 83-84 in Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind
1 point each [ ] Patting yourself on the back for doing this practice. (Yes, literally!)
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 29: Delegate
The Practice: Today your practice is to delegate a task to someone else. This can be a real challenge for perfectionists who want things done their way, as well as those of us who are over-responsible and feel guilty if we inconvenience others with a request. Examples of delegating something are asking someone else to make a decision you would usually make yourself, like what to have for dinner or who should run a meeting at work. It could be delegating an actual task like carpooling or cleaning. For the perfectionist the rule you must follow is allow the other person to make the decision or do the task however they see fit; you are not to point out or correct anything. For the over-responsible folks, don’t make a extravagant excuse for why you are delegating the task, and remind yourself that guilt is a growing pain to be tolerated, not gotten rid of.
Purpose:
- Delegating tasks helps to free up time by taking something off your plate.
- By delegating you are learning to let go of control.
| Over-Responsible /Perfectionistic Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| If someone else does something imperfectly it is my responsibility to point it out or correct it myself. | Letting go of control and learning to live with imperfection is essential to becoming more easygoing. |
| If someone is upset that I asked them to do something, I am responsible for their feelings. If someone is upset with me, that equals getting kicked out of the tribe. | I need to learn to tolerate others being upset with me. Someone being upset with me does not equal getting rejected forever. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ] For each thing you delegate. Write down what you chose. ____________________________________________________________________________
1 point [ ] Choose three values that this practice will cultivate.
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming anxiety or discomfort.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
1 point [ ] Read page 76 in Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Days 27 – 28: Weekend Practice
No need to feel guilty or discouraged if you have missed a number of practices. Shame and guilt only lead to avoidance. Let them go.
The weekend is a great opportunity to repeat a practice or catch up on practices that you missed.
Circle a practice you will do:
The Five Minute Rule Prioritize Self-Care Try Something New
Start Something But Don’t Finish It Say No To Something Welcoming Breath
Mix it Up How To Decide Just One Thing
Allowing Others to be Responsible for Their Own Lives Reduce Checking Leave a Mess Take Something Off Your Plate Make an Intentional Mistake Worry Time
Celebrate Imperfection Set a Limit I’ll try that Portion Control Procrastination/5 Minute Rule
The Archive of Daily Practices can be found here: https://www.jennifershannon.com/30-days-easygoing-daily-practices/
Write down the purpose of the practice:
- .
| Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| |
|
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ]What practice did you do? _____________________________
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE GROWTH OPENNESS CREATIVITY SPIRITUALITY FUN/PLEASURE RESPONSIBILITY AUTHENTICITY COMMITMENT RESILIENCE ADVENTURE HEALTH HONESTY SELF-EXPRESSION COMPASSION LOVE FLEXIBILITY HUMOR PRESENCE/MINDFULNESS COURAGE SPONTANEITY INDEPENDENCE PEACE HONOR TRUST
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming negative emotion associated with the practice
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 26: Set a Limit
The Practice: Today our practice is to set a limit, say no, or give an opinion. A limit could be how much time you are going to spend on something. For me that might be telling someone I just have 5 minutes to talk on the phone. Saying no could be declining an invitation or not volunteering for something you may feel obligated toward. Giving an opinion could be positive or negative, what you like about a movie, music, clothes, food.
Purpose:
- Learn to be authentic in relationships
- Take responsibility for yourself, your likes, your dislikes.
- Learn to tolerate possibly displeasing someone.
| Over-Responsible Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| If I set a limit with someone or state a preference, I feel responsible for their feelings. | When I set a limit or state a preference, I can be sensitive to others feelings without taking responsibility for them. |
| I can’t stand the possibility of disappointing or upsetting someone. | In order to be authentic in relationships I need to learn to tolerate the possibility that I might disappoint someone. I know I feel disappointed by others, and I can stand this. |
| If I disappoint someone they may abandon me. | If someone abandons me because I set a limint or stated a preference, than that might not have been the best relationship for me. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ] Every time you set a limit, say no or state an opinion. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
1 point [ ] Choose three values that this practice will cultivate.
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming anxiety or discomfort.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
3 points [ ] Read pages 23-27 in Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind
3 points [ ] Watch my video 3 minute video called The Responsibility Pie (second one down)
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 25: I’ll Try That
The Practice: We did a variation of this two weeks ago, but today we are going to narrow it down to food or beverages. Eat or drink something today that you have never had before. It could be bird’s nest soup, kombucha tea, a Cinnamon Dolce Latte or simply corn chips instead of potato chips. It does not have to be weird, just something you haven’t tried. Remember, this is not about finding something you like, it is simply trying something new.
Purpose:
- Trying something new fosters flexibility, resilience and adventure
| Intolerance of Uncertainty Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| I need to feel comfortable with my choices. | It is important to learn to cope with what ever choices I make. |
| It is better to be safe than sorry. | I choose to take a risk today. I choose adventure over security. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ] For every new food/drink you tried. _____________________________
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE GROWTH OPENNESS CREATIVITY SPIRITUALITY FUN/PLEASURE RESPONSIBILITY AUTHENTICITY COMMITMENT RESILIENCE ADVENTURE HEALTH HONESTY SELF-EXPRESSION COMPASSION LOVE FLEXIBILITY HUMOR PRESENCE/MINDFULNESS COURAGE SPONTANEITY INDEPENDENCE PEACE HONOR TRUST
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming your anxiety, disappointment and possibly disgust.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
1 point each [ ] Read pages 115-117 in Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 24: Celebrate Inperfection
The Practice: Today, every time something goes wrong, you are to celebrate it. It is our stance towards mistakes and mishaps that makes us uptight. The more we can learn to change our stance towards them, the more relaxed and easygoing we become. We can’t control when bad things happen, but we can control or response to them. How do you celebrate imperfection? You could shout out, woo hoo! You could do a little victory dance. You can post it on the forum and I will celebrate with you.
Purpose:
- Celebrating imperfection in one self, others and the world us to let go of control.
- This practice reduces resistant and increases resilience.
| Perfectionistic Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| I must predict and prevent bad things from happening. | I can’t control everything that happens, mistakes and mishaps are part of life. I can handle them. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ] For every mistake or mishap that you celebrate today.
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming anxiety, irritation, and anger.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
1 point [ ] Read pages 49-50-in Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 23: Portion Control
The Practice: Today our practice is to do less of one thing so we can do more of something else. Think of it as a task management tool that is designed to help us better prioritize what we think we need to get done. For example, if we haven’t any space in our day to relax on the couch with that novel we started a month ago, we could plan to get take out rather than cook tonight. Or if we have three errands to run, we could limit ourselves to two and spend the time window shopping or getting coffee. Our purpose is to reapportion our attention, time and energy so as to create space for self care. When we’re taking care of ourselves, we are cultivating easy going!
Purpose:
- Learning to manage our time and do less decreases stress.
- This tool increases flexibility with how you manage your time.
| Over-Responsible /Perfectionistic Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| If I don’t get everything done the way I had planned I have failed. | Learning to be more flexible with my plans is a success. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ] For each thing you choose do reduce time on. ____________________________________________________________________________
1 point [ ] Choose three values that this practice will cultivate.
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming anxiety or discomfort.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
3 points [ ] Watching time management video
Day 22: Procrastination Doesn’t Mean You’re Lazy
The Practice: Everyone procrastinates. It is a natural reaction to tasks that intimidate us in some way. We believe it will take too much time, or we won’t get it done well. Or, ashamed that we’ve put it off for so long. we distract ourselves from thinking about it. This is why today, we are returning to one of my favorite and proven tools to deal with this, the 5 minute rule.
Think of something you have been putting off or are stuck on. It could be a phone call, an email, cleaning or organizing something, or paying bills. It could be another easygoing practice you intended to do but didn’t. Rather than postpone it, worrying about it, or distracting yourself, set a timer for 5 minutes and without giving it too much thought, get started.
After five minutes when the timer goes off you can stop. That’s it. It doesn’t matter how much of it you got done or how well it was done. You may then continue with the task, or move on to the rest of your day. Either way you get 100% credit and a pat on the back for jumpstarting the task.
The Purpose:
- Approach rather than avoid
- Breaks things down into small manageable steps
| Perfectionistic Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| I have already failed by not doing it. | This is about fear, not failure. I deserve extra credit for approaching something I have been putting off. |
| I should only start something that I can finish. |
It is more important to take things one step at a time. I will focus on the process, not the outcome. |
| I should only start something if I feel motivated and confident I can do it well. | I can start something even if I don’t feel motivated or confident. Motivation and confidence come from doing things. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ] What task did you pick to do? _____________________________
1 point [ ] How motivated you feel to do this on a 0-3 scale?
0= not motivated at all and 3= very motivated. _____________
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE GROWTH OPENNESS CREATIVITY SPIRITUALITY FUN/PLEASURE RESPONSIBILITY AUTHENTICITY COMMITMENT RESILIENCE ADVENTURE HEALTH HONESTY SELF-EXPRESSION COMPASSION LOVE FLEXIBILITY HUMOR PRESENCE/MINDFULNESS COURAGE SPONTANEITY INDEPENDENCE PEACE HONOR TRUST
1 point [ ] After the timer goes off, check in to see how motivated you feel to continue working on the task? Has it gone up, stayed the same or gone down? __________________________
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming anxiety or discomfort.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
1 point each [ ] Read pages 15-16 in Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Welcome to Week 4 Of Easygoing: Stop “Should-ing” on Yourself
My main message to you, dear participants, is there is no need for guilt or shame for missing practices. I know the perfectionistic monkey mindset can get triggered when you get behind. The shame and guilt are an attempt to get you to do them, but more often or not, this leads to avoidance. Or if your monkey mind believes that if you can’t do a practice correctly, you should not do the practice at all.
Letting go of shoulds, shame and guilt is part of becoming more easygoing. Instead of procrastinating or beating yourself up, congratulate yourself for reading this introduction. Lower the bar, and get one practice done this week, because even one is 100% better than none.
Days 20 – 21: Let Go of Shame or Guilt
No need to feel guilty or discouraged if you have missed a number of practices. Shame and guilt only lead to avoidance. Let them go. The weekend is a great opportunity to repeat a practice or catch up on practices that you missed.
Circle a practice you will do:
The Five Minute Rule Prioritize Self-Care Try Something New
Start Something But Don’t Finish It Say No To Something Welcoming Breath
Mix it Up How To Decide Just One Thing
Allowing Others to be Responsible for Their Own Lives Reduce Checking Leave a Mess Take Something Off Your Plate Make an Intentional Mistake Worry Time
The Archive of Daily Practices can be found here: https://www.jennifershannon.com/30-days-easygoing-daily-practices/
Write down the purpose of the practice:
- .
| Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| |
|
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ]What practice did you do? _____________________________
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE GROWTH OPENNESS CREATIVITY SPIRITUALITY FUN/PLEASURE RESPONSIBILITY AUTHENTICITY COMMITMENT RESILIENCE ADVENTURE HEALTH HONESTY SELF-EXPRESSION COMPASSION LOVE FLEXIBILITY HUMOR PRESENCE/MINDFULNESS COURAGE SPONTANEITY INDEPENDENCE PEACE HONOR TRUST
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming negative emotion associated with the practice
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 19: Leave Something Messy
The Practice: Today we are going to leave something messy on purpose. I recognize that some of us don’t need this type of practice, and if it sounds too easy for you, I recommend picking a previous practice to repeat. (I tend to be more of a neat freak, so this one can be quite a challenge!)
You can leave the mess anywhere— a cluttered desk, dishes in the sink, or the bed unmade. Be sure to pick a location that makes you uncomfortable to leave in a mess. If you are OK with old coffee cups and receipts on the floor of you car, like my husband is, pick something more challenging!
Purpose:
- Breathing into discomfort
- Learning to be with things when they are not “just so”.
- Freeing up time for something else.
| Perfectionistic Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| If things are not just so, I can’t stand it. |
In life everything is not just so, this is good practice to learn to relax into this. |
| If I don’t pick up, I will lose control or become lazy. | I am willing to find out if this is true. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points for each mess you leave. [ ] What did you leave a mess? ______________________________________________________________
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming anxiety, guilt or irritation at leaving an intentional mess.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
Day 18: Reduce Checking
The Practice: Monitor, Postpone or Reduce Checking Behaviors.
The best example of checking behavior in our culture is how often we pull out our cell phones every day. Email, social media, texts —are our loved ones happy and safe?— and internet searches for medical symptoms or other threats to our health and happiness can take up hours of our day. Some of us check the mirror to make certain we look OK, others triple check to make sure appliances are turned off or the doors are locked. Then of course, there is the omnipresent time to be checked to make certain we aren’t running late.
Checking is often a very automatic and habitual behavior we engage in, so the first level of this practice is simply to notice when we’re doing it. If you’re up for it, you can then take it to the next two levels.
- Write down every time you notice yourself checking something.
- Postpone checking on something for 5-20 minutes. For example, if you have the urge to look up a sensation you are having, set the timer and wait ten minutes before you check.
- Reduce checking. For example, if you know you tend to check social media ten times a day, reduce it to five.
Purpose:
Checking behaviors seem innocent enough and they usually provide instant relief from anxiety caused by uncertainty or not knowing something. However, when we engage in checking behaviors we are feeding our monkey mind’s overestimation of threat. For example, checking to make sure someone arrived safely is based on the fear that they may have gotten in an accident. While accidents can happen, far more often they don’t. Acting on an urge that is based on a low probability event rewards our monkey mind for sounding the alarm, and guarantees more alarms in the future. Reducing checking behaviors is an extremely powerful way to tame the monkey mind and pave the way for a more relaxed and easygoing future.
| Intolerance of Uncertainty Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| I must be certain that I and others I care about are safe. | I will assume safety unless there is clear evidence of danger. |
| If I feel uncertain or afraid, it means I am in danger. | Feeling uncertain and anxious is based on my monkey mind’s belief that uncertainty equals danger. The better I am at tolerating uncertainty, the more calm and easygoing I will become. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points Each [ ] What urges did you notice, postpone or resist? _____________________________
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE GROWTH OPENNESS CREATIVITY SPIRITUALITY FUN/PLEASURE RESPONSIBILITY AUTHENTICITY COMMITMENT RESILIENCE ADVENTURE HEALTH HONESTY SELF-EXPRESSION COMPASSION LOVE FLEXIBILITY HUMOR PRESENCE/MINDFULNESS COURAGE SPONTANEITY INDEPENDENCE PEACE HONOR TRUST
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming your anxiety of not knowing something for sure.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
1 point each [. ] Read pages 29-32 and 67-70 in Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 17: Take Something Off Your Plate
The Practice: Today your practice is to let go of getting something done that we wanted to get done. We can do this is one of three ways: accommodating, delegating, or eliminating.
- To accommodate, we still do what we have planned, but we do less of it. For example, if we had planned to cook dinner, we could get take out instead.
- To delegate, we ask someone else to do something you had planned to do ourselves. For example, if we had planned to get take out, we could ask someone else to pick it up.
- To eliminate, we simply cross the task or activity off our list. It simply won’t get done.
You can watch a 3-minute video of how to apply these 3 tools here.
Purpose:
- Learning to manage our time and do less decreases stress.
| Over-Responsible /Perfectionistic Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| If I do less of something I might let others down. | I need to learn to cope with letting others down in order to take better care of myself. |
| I can only rest and relax if I get everything done. | Learning to rest and relax even when there is more to do is part of learning to let go and become more easygoing. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ] For each thing you choose. Write down what you chose.
____________________________________________________________________________
1 point [ ] Choose three values that this practice will cultivate.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE GROWTH OPENNESS CREATIVITY SPIRITUALITY FUN/PLEASURE RESPONSIBILITY AUTHENTICITY COMMITMENT RESILIENCE ADVENTURE HEALTH HONESTY SELF-EXPRESSION COMPASSION LOVE FLEXIBILITY HUMOR PRESENCE/MINDFULNESS COURAGE SPONTANEITY INDEPENDENCE PEACE HONOR TRUST
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming anxiety or discomfort.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
3 points [ ] Watching time management video
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 16: Make an Intentional Mistake
The Practice: You heard me right, make a mistake on purpose!
Building resiliency to the consequences of our own mistakes is key to becoming more easygoing. It doesn’t need to be a big mistake to be a meaningful growth experience. Here are some ideas for you: mispronounce a word in others’ company, forget someone’s name, misspell a word in an email or text, trip or drop something, drive up to the wrong side of the gas pump, or wear a piece of clothing inside out.
Sure, we can wait for our spontaneous mistakes to blindside us, and try to practice resiliency then, but as we know, it’s always difficult when we are caught off guard. When we plan this practice, we know what’s coming, and we can manage it better.
Purpose:
- Allowing for mistakes provides opportunity to learn from them.
- The more we become comfortable making mistakes, the more relaxed and creative we will be.
| Perfectionistic Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| Mistakes equal failure | Mistakes are a sign I have taken a risk and are and opportunity for growth. |
| If someone judges me for making a mistake, I can’t handle it. | Making mistakes makes me human. Criticism and judgement is an opportunity to practice self-compassion. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ] For every intentional mistake you make today.
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming anxiety and embarrassment
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
1 point [ ] Read pages 20-23-in Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 15: Worry Time
The Practice: Today’s practice may sound a bit absurd to you, but I am quite serious. We are going to set aside some time today to fully engage ourselves in an activity we usually try not to do—worry! Set a timer for 5-10 minutes and begin. Remember, Instead of letting worry happen, we are going to intentionally worry as hard as we can. Like the Welcoming Breath practice, during Worry Time we allow ourself to have anxious thoughts and feelings without trying to resist, figure out or problem solve them.
This is a great practice to do not just today, but every day. Whenever a worry pops up we can then remind ourselves that we can worry about that at our scheduled worry time!
Purpose:
- Put the time you worry under your control.
- Change your stance towards worry from one of problem solving to simply allowing it.
| Intolerance of Uncertainty Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| The only way to get rid of worry is to solve problems. I must be certain of what to do. | I can allow myself to worry and feel the feelings without trying to problem solve. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ] What did you worry about during worry time? _____________________________
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE GROWTH OPENNESS CREATIVITY SPIRITUALITY FUN/PLEASURE RESPONSIBILITY AUTHENTICITY COMMITMENT RESILIENCE ADVENTURE HEALTH HONESTY SELF-EXPRESSION COMPASSION LOVE FLEXIBILITY HUMOR PRESENCE/MINDFULNESS COURAGE SPONTANEITY INDEPENDENCE PEACE HONOR TRUST
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming anxiety during worry time.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
1 point each [ ] Read pages 99-102 in Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Days 13-14: Weekend Practice- Catch up or repeat
Weekend Practice is an opportunity to repeat a practice from the week or catch up on a practice that you missed.
Circle a practice you will do:
The Five Minute Rule Prioritize Self-Care Try Something New
Start Something But Don’t Finish It Say No To Something Welcoming Breath
Mix it Up How To Decide Just One Thing
Allowing Others to be Responsible for Their Own Lives
The Archive of Daily Practices can be found here: https://www.jennifershannon.com/30-days-easygoing-daily-practices/
Write down the purpose of the practice:
- .
| Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| |
|
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ]What practice did you do? _____________________________
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming negative emotion associated with the practice
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 12: Just One Thing
The Practice: Make a mental list of the things you want to get done today. Pick one to-do or activity from that list and write it down on a post it note or some other small piece of paper. This is the one thing that you will devote 100% of your attention to. Because we can be so easily distracted by technology that seduces us into multi-tasking, I recommend turning off all devices that might interrupt or distract you. For example, if your one thing was to go through email, turn off your phone. If the task does not involve technology, like taking your dog for a walk, turn everything off!
You can combine this practice with others you have done thus far in 30 Days to Easygoing, for example setting a time limit on the task you choose, or writing out tasks on paper and choosing one randomly. Once you are done with this one thing, whatever you choose next throughout the day, continue with the practice of doing just that one thing.
Purpose:
- Cultivates focus on the present moment, instead of attempting to multitask or doing things just to check them off a long list.
- Decreases overwhelm by focusing on just one thing at a time.
| Perfectionistic Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| I can only feel good about myself if I have gotten everything done. |
It is more important to focus on one thing at a time, rather than setting a goal of getting it all done. |
| I may miss out on something if I only focus on one thing at a time and turn off technology. | Whatever else needs to get done can wait. By focusing on one thing at a time I am learning how to be in the present moment. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ] You earn 5 points for each 1 thing you do at one time. How many did you do this way?
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming anxiety related to a fear of missing out or not getting it all done.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 11: How to Decide
The Practice: Decision making can be a challenge for a lot of people, whether it is about a purchase, making career choices, simply deciding what to wear, or whether to go out to dinner or stay in and cook. If we believe we need to be 100% certain we’re making the best decision, the process can get prolonged and painful, and often put off. Today the practice is to make a decision using the following protocol.
- Set the timer for 5 minutes and write out pros and cons.
- Set the timer for 1 minute to make the decision based on your pros and cons, or just go with your gut.
- If you still have not decided, flip a coin to decide
Purpose:
- Restricting time making decisions helps us move forward.
- More important than being “right” about our decision, is learning to cope with whatever we decide.
| Intolerance of Uncertainty Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| I should be 100% certain of my decision. |
Most decisions have pros and cons. I don’t need to be certain, I just need to decide. |
| If I make the wrong decision I won’t be able to get over it. |
It is better to learn to cope with decisions I make, than to agonize when making them. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ] What decision did you make using one or all of the new rules? _____________________________
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE GROWTH OPENNESS CREATIVITY SPIRITUALITY FUN/PLEASURE RESPONSIBILITY AUTHENTICITY COMMITMENT RESILIENCE ADVENTURE HEALTH HONESTY SELF-EXPRESSION COMPASSION LOVE FLEXIBILITY HUMOR PRESENCE/MINDFULNESS COURAGE SPONTANEITY INDEPENDENCE PEACE HONOR TRUST
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming your anxiety about making a decision when you feel uncertain.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
1 point each [ ] Read pages 107-110 in Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 10: Mix it Up
The Practice: Today the practice is to do every task or activity that isn’t on a fixed schedule in a random order. For example, I see clients from 10-4, so that is fixed. I also plan to go for a walk, cook dinner, read, work on 30 Days to Easygoing ???? and watch TV. Instead of planning an optimal schedule for these things, the practice is to write them down on separate pieces of paper, fold them up, and pick them out randomly. Whatever I pick first, I do first. You can modify this by choosing just two or three activities to do in random order.
Purpose:
- Mixing up your schedule fosters flexibility and resilience, two key ingredients for becoming more easygoing.
| Intolerance of Uncertainty Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| If I don’t know what is going to happen next, I can’t handle it. | I can handle doing things in a random order, even if it is not optimal, I can still get things done. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ] What things did you write down on pieces of paper? _____________________________
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE GROWTH OPENNESS CREATIVITY SPIRITUALITY FUN/PLEASURE RESPONSIBILITY AUTHENTICITY COMMITMENT RESILIENCE ADVENTURE HEALTH HONESTY SELF-EXPRESSION COMPASSION LOVE FLEXIBILITY HUMOR PRESENCE/MINDFULNESS COURAGE SPONTANEITY INDEPENDENCE PEACE HONOR TRUST
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming anxiety and frustration.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
1 point each [ ] Read page 122 in Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 9: Allowing Others To Be Responsible For Their Own Lives
The Practice: Today our practice is resist all urges to point things out to others or give advice. If someone is talking to us about a problem, we won’t try to solve it. We’ll just listen to them and sympathize. If we think someone is forgetting something or making a mistake, we won’t interfere. We’ll allow the natural consequence of their actions to occur. The only exception to this is if there is imminent threat.
Purpose:
- Become aware of how often we have the urge to point out or give advice.
- Allow others to be responsible for themselves.
- Develop trust that others can figure things out for themselves.
- Learn to listen with compassion, not control
| Over-Responsible Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| I believe that if someone is not making a good choice, it is my responsibility to do something about it. If I don’t, I’ll be partly to responsible for the consequence. | I will allow others to be responsible for their own lives and choices they make. Consequences of their actions are not my fault. |
| It is my responsibility to try to fix other’s problems when they are in pain. | When others are in pain, I can listen with compassion and learn to trust their ability to work through things in their own way. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
1 point [ ] Every time you resist an urge to give advice or point something out to someone. You can write down what you resisted here: ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
1 point [ ] Every time you listen to someone without giving advise
1 point [ ] Choose three values that this practice will cultivate.
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming anxiety or discomfort.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
1 point each [ ] Read pages 26-27 in Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 8: Welcoming Breath Meditation
The Practice:
As I said in the week two welcome, to create change in ourselves we need to break patterns of behavior that are associated with the monkey mindset. When we change our behavior, however, even for a few minutes, negative emotions like anxiety, guilt, embarrassment are bound to arise in us. This is just our brain’s way of reminding us that we are breaking the rigid rules we’ve been following. If we cannot tolerate these feelings, then we will continue to engage in habits that keep us stuck in our old ways of thinking and doing.
This welcoming breath meditation will help us to accept rather than resist negative emotions. Acceptance helps us metabolize the feelings. Resistance only prolongs the process, blocking us from the change that we desire.
Purpose:
- Learn to handle feelings and get through them more effectively
- Quiets the monkey mind by not reacting to it
- Allows us to make the changes we desire
| Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| If you are feeling bad, it means there is imminent threat and I need to do something now to prevent something terrible from happening. | Negative feelings are my monkey mind’s call to action. If I want more long term peace, I need to learn to accept them, not react to them. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE GROWTH OPENNESS CREATIVITY SPIRITUALITY FUN/PLEASURE RESPONSIBILITY AUTHENTICITY COMMITMENT RESILIENCE ADVENTURE HEALTH HONESTY SELF-EXPRESSION COMPASSION LOVE FLEXIBILITY HUMOR PRESENCE/MINDFULNESS COURAGE SPONTANEITY INDEPENDENCE PEACE HONOR TRUST
1 point each [ ] Read pages 79-82 in Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind
1 point each [ ] Patting yourself on the back for doing this practice. (Yes, literally!)
1 point each [ ] Every time you breath into a negative feeling throughout the day.
Total points [ ]
Day 7: Design Your Own Practice
Circle a practice you will do from the week:
The Five Minute Rule
Prioritize Self-Care
Try Something New
Start Something But Don’t Finish It
Say No To Something
The Archive of Daily Practices can be found here: https://www.jennifershannon.com/30-days-easygoing-daily-practices/
Write down the purpose of the practice:
Write down the monkey mindset and the easygoing mindset you will be cultivating with this practice.
| Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| |
|
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ]What practice did you do? _____________________________
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE GROWTH OPENNESS CREATIVITY SPIRITUALITY FUN/PLEASURE RESPONSIBILITY AUTHENTICITY COMMITMENT RESILIENCE ADVENTURE HEALTH HONESTY SELF-EXPRESSION COMPASSION LOVE FLEXIBILITY HUMOR PRESENCE/MINDFULNESS COURAGE SPONTANEITY INDEPENDENCE PEACE HONOR TRUST
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming negative emotion associated with the practice
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 6: Design Your Own Practice
Circle a practice you will do from the week:
The Five Minute Rule
Prioritize Self-Care
Try Something New
Start Something But Don’t Finish It
Say No To Something
Write down the purpose of the practice:
Write down the monkey mindset and the easygoing mindset you will be cultivating with this practice.
| Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| |
|
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ]What practice did you do? _____________________________
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE GROWTH OPENNESS CREATIVITY SPIRITUALITY FUN/PLEASURE RESPONSIBILITY AUTHENTICITY COMMITMENT RESILIENCE ADVENTURE HEALTH HONESTY SELF-EXPRESSION COMPASSION LOVE FLEXIBILITY HUMOR PRESENCE/MINDFULNESS COURAGE SPONTANEITY INDEPENDENCE PEACE HONOR TRUST
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming negative emotion associated with the practice
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 5: Just Say No
The Practice: Say “no” to something. Think of what you have planned for the day or week and pick something that you can say no to. This might involve saying no to an invitation, or serving on a committee or volunteering for something. It can also be something you have planned that you feel obligated to do but don’t want to, like a task at work or home. It can be a modified no, for example, when a colleague asked me to consult on a case for an hour, that sounded overwhelming so I agreed to consult for ten minutes.
Purpose:
- Saying “No “ to things will leave more time to do the things that you want to do.
- Saying “No” builds resilience to coping with others’ disappointment.
- Saying “No” helps to develop courage to be authentic, which in the long run creates deeper connections.
| Over-Responsible Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| If I say no and someone gets disappointed or upset with me, it is my fault. | I can be sensitive to disappointing someone without being responsible for their feelings. It is more important for me to take responsibility for myself than for others. |
| If I do not step up to the plate when someone asks me to do something it may not get done and that is my fault. | If no one else steps up to the plate, that is not my fault. I am not responsible for other people’s actions or inactions. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ] What did you decide to say no to? _____________________________
1 point [ ] Extra credit if someone expressed displeasure with your “no”.
1 point [ ] Choose three values that this practice will cultivate.
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming guilt about saying “no” and anxiety that people will be so mad they will reject you.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset.
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
1 point each [ ] Read pages 50-52 in Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 4: Finish It Later
The Practice: Start something but don’t finish it. Whatever task you chose to start, estimate how much time it would take to complete. Divide this time in half and set the timer for this new time. Once you start the task, stop when the timer goes off, no matter how strong the urge is to keep going.
Some task ideas are house work, email, social media, crafts or hobbies, report writing, or agenda setting. Of course, you would not want to pick a task that needs to be completed, like driving your kids to school! But many things we do each day are things that we don’t need to complete all at once.
Purpose:
- Cultivates presence with the process as opposed to focusing on the outcome.
- Restricting time on tasks can help us balance our time between doing (getting things done) and being (relaxation).
- It is easier to start something if you know you will only be doing it for a set period of time.
| Perfectionistic Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| I should only start something that I can finish. |
It is okay to do things is smaller chunks. Doing a little bit of something will prevent burnout. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ] What task did you purposely leave unfinished?______________________
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
Welcoming anxiety and/or irritation leaving things undone.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
1 point each [ ] Read pages 64-67 in Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 3: New & Different
The Practice: Today the practice is to try something new that you haven’t been drawn to try before. For example, you can go to an ice cream or frozen yogurt shop and try a flavor or topping you that hasn’t appealed to you in the past. You could take a different route to work, try a new exercise, even watch a new TV show. If you aren’t sure what to try, great! Random is perfect for this practice. The idea here is not to like or dislike the new thing that you try, it is simply to mix things up and experience something new.
Purpose:
- Trying something new fosters flexibility and resilience
| Intolerance of Uncertainty Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| If things don’t go as planned my day is ruined. | It is important to practice flexibility and learn to cope when things do not go as I expected. |
| If I don’t know what is going to happen next, I can’t handle it. | Allowing for spontaneity can create adventure, good and bad. I can handle things either way. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ] What new thing did you try today? _____________________________
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE GROWTH OPENNESS CREATIVITY SPIRITUALITY FUN/PLEASURE RESPONSIBILITY AUTHENTICITY COMMITMENT RESILIENCE ADVENTURE HEALTH HONESTY SELF-EXPRESSION COMPASSION LOVE FLEXIBILITY HUMOR PRESENCE/MINDFULNESS COURAGE SPONTANEITY INDEPENDENCE PEACE HONOR TRUST
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming anxiety and disappointment.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
1 point each [ ] Read pages 17-18 in Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 2: Prioritize Self-Care
The Practice: Today your practice is to think up a self-care activity. If you are not used to taking care of yourself, this can be hard to do, so let me give you some ideas that might stimulate your thinking. Read; exercise; meditate; take a bath; do a hobby; meet a friend; take time to be alone; journal; go to a coffee shop. The activity needs to be for you and not for someone else, and does not relate to an obligation or trying to get things checked off for the day. The time you spend on self-care is up to you, it can be 5 minutes to over an hour.
Purpose:
- Decreases stress and burn out.
- Learn to take responsible for the person you are most responsible for, yourself.
- Regular self-care is like filling up your tank, giving you more energy to get things done.
| Over-Responsible Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| I tend to put other people’s needs before my own. | Taking care of myself is as important as taking care of others. |
| Doing things for yourself first is selfish. |
Selfish is not a bad word. Learning to take care of myself will decrease my stress and burnout. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ] What did you pick to do? _____________________________
1 point [ ] You did self-care before another obligation scheduled.
1 point [ ] Choose three values that this practice will cultivate.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE GROWTH OPENNESS CREATIVITY SPIRITUALITY FUN/PLEASURE RESPONSIBILITY AUTHENTICITY COMMITMENT RESILIENCE ADVENTURE HEALTH HONESTY SELF-EXPRESSION COMPASSION LOVE FLEXIBILITY HUMOR PRESENCE/MINDFULNESS COURAGE SPONTANEITY INDEPENDENCE PEACE HONOR TRUST
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming anxiety or discomfort.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
1 point each [ ] Read pages 23-26 in Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
Day 1: The 5 Minute Rule
The Practice: Think of something you have been putting off or are stuck on. For example, it could be organizing your workspace, starting an exercise or meditation practice, or simply tackling that pile of unanswered e-mails. Rather than postpone the task or worry about it anymore, set a timer for 5 minutes and without thinking too much, get started.
After five minutes when the timer goes off you can stop. That’s it. It doesn’t matter how much of it you got done or how well it was done. You may then continue with the task, or move on to the rest of your day. Either way you get 100% credit and a pat on the back for jumpstarting the task.
The Purpose:
- Breaks things down into small manageable steps
- Focuses on process not outcome helping to focus more on the present moment
| Perfectionistic Monkey Mindset | Expansive Easygoing Mindset |
| I should only start something if I feel motivated and confident I can do it well. | I can start something even if I don’t feel motivated or confident. Motivation and confidence come from doing things. |
| I should only start something that I can finish. |
It is more important to take things one step at a time. I will focus on the process, not the outcome. |
| Mistakes equal failure or not being good enough. | Making a mistake or not doing something perfectly is better than not doing it at all and an opportunity for growth. |
Your Easygoing Scorecard:
5 points [ ]What task did you pick to do? _____________________________
1 point [ ] How motivated you feel to do this on a 0-3 scale?
0= not motivated at all and 3= very motivated. _____________
1 point [ ] Circle three values that this practice will cultivate.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE GROWTH OPENNESS CREATIVITY SPIRITUALITY FUN/PLEASURE RESPONSIBILITY AUTHENTICITY COMMITMENT RESILIENCE ADVENTURE HEALTH HONESTY SELF-EXPRESSION COMPASSION LOVE FLEXIBILITY HUMOR PRESENCE/MINDFULNESS COURAGE SPONTANEITY INDEPENDENCE PEACE HONOR TRUST
1 point [ ] After the timer goes off, check in to see how motivated you feel to continue working on the task? Has it gone up, stayed the same or gone down? __________________________
1 point each [ ]
Welcoming anxiety or discomfort.
Reminding yourself of your values and expansive mindset
Patting yourself on the back. (Yes, literally!)
1 point each [ ] Read pages 20-22 in Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind
3 points [ ] Listen to The Welcoming Breath Meditation
Total points [ ]
