Since the Tubbs fire in 2017 my husband and I have been asked many times if we planned to rebuild. We knew from the start that we would rebuild, because our home was a condominium and since we did not own the land it was on, this was our only option. What we didn’t know was whether we wanted to sell it or move back into it once it was built.
I have always been a decisive person, knowing what I want and going for it, but these past 18 months I have zig-zagged all over the place. I changed my mind so many times that I started to qualify my answer to the question of what our plans were, saying, well, today we want to live in a tiny house, but this could change by tomorrow or next week. Yes, at one crazy moment we actually mused about a tiny house, as well as a work/live apartment, buying a lot and building new, a manufactured home, another condominium, even two studios. What I learned was I just didn’t know what I wanted for certain, and over time, I grew more comfortable with this.
We are currently planning to move back into what we call “our new old house”. Building finally started in February and we went on our first tour of the new construction this week. It was exciting and felt real that we are going to have our own home back, maybe by as soon as December!
Having made this decision, at least for now, has opened the door to dozens of new decisions about just about everything other than the floor plan. What kind of cabinets, flooring, fixtures, fireplace, paint color, drywall, railings? The list goes on and on. I can get stressed out about it, when I let me monkey mind do the thinking for me, it sounds a like this:
You had better make the right decision about the fireplace or you will regret it.
Maybe you should have upgraded the drywall to be smooth.
Spending $5,000 on cable railing may be a mistake.
You might regret not having done all the upgrades when you see your neighbor’s condo and it is nicer than yours.
All this new carpet and paint, what will the off-gassing be like? You might move back in and poison yourself!
The last one started after I got a headache in a friend’s brand new house in Coffey Park after being there for one hour. It‘s my new worry de jour.
The truth is I can’t know if we are making the right decision about anything. What I am sure about, is the more I can accept not knowing for sure what’s best, the more relaxed I feel. My decision to accept uncertainty is the only right decision I can make. It’s the decision that will ultimately bring me the most peace and happiness.
If I change my mind next month, and decide I want to live in a yurt, I’ll let you know!
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