When I read this headline on the front page of the Press Democrat this morning, I assumed that it was a mental health crisis line to deal with the increased depression and anxiety that many of us experience around the holidays. I was mistaken. Or was I?

In fact, the hotline in the article was dedicated to holiday anxiety and depression—in nervous cooks! One newlywed phoned in from a closet, “paralyzed by fear” because she did not want her mother in law to know she did not know how to cook a turkey.

The reason we get more anxious, stressed and worried around the holidays is we have been hijacked by our limbic system, which slams us with fight-or-flight neurochemicals whenever the possibility of being judged or criticized arises. It’s the monkey mind’s call to action: Woo-woo-woo! No mistakes! So we try to cook the perfect meal, create a sparkling clean house, get all our gift shopping done, then finally we can relax and enjoy the holidays. Nothing could be farther from the truth. What this does is feed the monkey, guaranteeing that next year will be as stressful as this one.

But you can break free. It’s not too late! Here’s what to do at the first sign of holiday trouble.

Jennifer’s Holiday Hot Tips

1. Identify the values you most want to cultivate this holiday season. Circle the ones that are important to you.

FUN         CONNECTION         SPIRITUALITY         LOVE         COMPASSION

2. Redirect yourself to a more expansive mindset, one that supports your true values. Circle the statements that you would like to believe more.

If things do not go exactly as planned, I can practice flexibility.

My self-worth is not tied to a perfect outcome.

Allowing for mistakes makes me human and vulnerable, which fosters true connection with others.

It is more important to live this holiday season fully in the present moment, than to succeed at making things “just right”.

3. When you feel yourself getting stressed and anxious, stop and take ten deep breaths.
4. Now think about something that you can take off your holiday plate right now!

Examples: Limit gift buying time; get a prepared meal or take out; delegate holiday tasks and let others do things differently than you would; don’t clean the whole house.

The Turkey Trouble Hotline in the newspaper article provides nonjudgmental, solution-focused therapy for cooks in trouble. My Holiday Hot Tips does the same for the rest of us. This holiday season, give yourself the gift of self-compassion and do less, not more. This is how we cultivate those values that are most important to us, not just during the holidays, but any time of the year.