What is the Difference Between Caring for and Controlling our Loved Ones? When we care deeply for someone, we will feel fear; this is inevitable. We want them to be happy and free from suffering. We become frightened when we see them do something that may cause pain. This fear presents a fork in the road; we can go down the path of caring or the path of control. If we choose the path of caring, we keep our hearts open. To care, we must be willing to allow our hearts to break, which takes tremendous courage.