After my first child was born, I developed panic disorder. It was horrible. There I was, a first-time mother having panic attacks not only throughout the day, attacks that woke me up at night, and rob me of the precious sleep I needed to care for an infant. I had my Master’s degree in counseling, but it hadn’t taught me what to do about panic attacks. I felt like I was losing my mind, and worse, I was ashamed. I was failing at the two most important things in my life, becoming a mother and pursuing my professional career as a therapist.

Desperate, I began counseling with a really nice therapist. Together we hypothesized that the stress if caring for an infant brought on the attacks, and we explored my past to understand why I was so anxious. This didn’t help, in fact, if anything it made me feel worse. So, I tried every alternative help I could find, from relaxation techniques and meditation to biofeedback. But the panic attacks kept coming.

Then one day, browsing in my local bookstore, a book jumped off the shelf at me. It was Don’t Panic, by Reid Wilson. I began reading right there and then, and within minutes, tears were streaming down my face. The author described exactly what was happening to me, and better yet, he outlined a treatment for panic unlike anything I had tried before. It was my first real introduction to the exposure techniques used in cognitive-behavior therapy. I got to work following the steps outlined in his book, and three months later I was cured of panic disorder.

When it comes to panic and agoraphobia, or any type of anxiety, “trying to relax” only contributes the problem. When we try to get rid of or avoid anxiety and tension, rather than letting them run their course, we are confirming to our monkey mind that anxious sensations are dangerous and could lead to passing out, having a heart attack, going crazing, losing control of ourselves, crashing our car. As a therapist, I help my clients do exactly the opposite. We actually activate anxious sensations on purpose, moving towards them, not away from them. There’s a saying worth remembering when we feel the urge to “try to relax”. “The only way out is through.” It applies to all the fears we are trapped by.