A few weeks ago, I competed in a Toastmaster regional speech competition; nine representatives from Toastmasters clubs all over Northern California delivering 5-7 minute original speeches in front of an audience of 300 people. What made it even more formidable was that I was competing against an opponent that speaks much louder and faster than any of the other speakers, an opponent who’d been consistently beating me for most of my life. I’m talking about an internal opponent: my monkey mind.
 
In my books, I write that anxiety doesn’t need to stop us from achieving our goals and living the life we want. I wanted to be able to speak that message in front of groups. For two years now I’ve been climbing my public speaking ladder, one rung at a time. Going to Toastmasters meetings, making speeches, exchanging evaluations with others, in a small supportive group was helping me gain confidence and skills. I was winning little skirmishes with the monkey on a regular basis.
 
Naturally when the opportunity to compete in a regional competition appeared the monkey had a howling fit, Woo-woo-woo! You’re not ready! It had a good point and I was nearly convinced. But since my goal is to expose myself to situations where I can fail, I entered anyway. That made it a win for me.
 
Two weeks before the big competition, to get some practice, I gave my speech in front of another club. Suddenly, right in the in the middle of it, I stopped, unable to remember what came next.  It took me a full 20 seconds for my mind to fill in the blank and move on. The monkey was howling, Woo-woo-woo! You looked foolish in front of all those people! I probably did look foolish, but my goal was to be authentic no matter what, so that was another win for me.
 
At the regional competition, I was the sixth scheduled speaker, and I had to listen to five great speeches, along with the laughter and applause of the audience, while my monkey chattered in the background, Woo-woo-woo! They’re better than you! My heart was beating so hard and fast I could see my jacket moving over my chest. Woo-woo-woo!, howled the monkey, You’re falling apart! But I’d learned that my sensations were normal for my situation, and I was able to relax— even smile and joke with some of the other speakers as we waited our turns. When I finally walked to the stage the monkey screeched, Wo-woo-woo! What if you forget like the other day?!
 
Maybe it was because I was willing to look like a fool that I didn’t forget anything. Maybe it was because I was willing to feel anxious that I was able to relax on stage. Maybe it was because I was willing to lose the regional competition that I ended up a winner.
 
No, I didn’t win the Toastmasters regional speech competition. I didn’t even place. But the competition that mattered most to me was the competition with my monkey mind. And I won!